Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon

The literary trend that needs to be gone......girl

Apparently inserting the word “girl” into the title of your mediocre, neither psychological nor particularly thrilling “psychological thriller”  has become the lazy writers click bait equivalent of inserting a touch of light B&D into your novel about the origins of space travel in order to cater to the 50 Shades aficionados. Something along the lines of “The Astronaut Who Flogged Me” or “50 Shades of Zero Gravity”.

Incidentally the best thing to happen as a result of "FSOG" can be found here https://twitter.com/50nerdsofgrey

Obviously it makes sense to take full advantage of the trend du jour, if you are a writer, especially a self-published writer, any hook that is likely to draw a ready made audience is not to be lightly passed over.  Titles are important.  I doubt that “50 Shades” would have done as well had the title more accurately reflected the content.   The vast majority of women would not be panting after something entitled “Creepy Sadomasochist Preys On Vulnerable College Student” and if they were to click download on that sucker then they would more than likely find themselves on one of those lists that Government agencies deny all knowledge of.

I am calling out "50 Shades" because in a similar way that that (ahem) novel, opened the door for a slew of imitators eager to cash in the shocking discovery that some women actually quite enjoy being tied up during sex with self absorbed, monosyllabic men,  the majority of these hastily churned out “girl” books are at best unoriginal and at worst downright dull.

“The brilliant new thriller with the heart stopping twist that you will not see coming”  thunder the blurbs.  Except that you can see the “twist” coming from space and the heroine is so unlikeable that you find yourself rooting for the villain.

Which is another trend in these books, the deeply flawed female protagonist, she’s an alcoholic, she's a closet sex maniac, she has a dark past,  she hates small children and kicks puppies – or even better - she is all of those things and she murdered her abusive former partner and buried him under a pile of clichés. 

Whilst I understand and applaud the move towards more relatable heroines, there are limits to a reader's tolerance for deeply unpleasant characters

And it can be done well, Holly Golightly in Breakfast At Tiffany’s, possibly one of the most over-romanticised novels in literary history, is an incredibly flawed character, and all the more lovable for it.  
The problem is that many of the “girls” in these novels are so fundamentally awful that it is difficult to muster the smallest grain of sympathy for any of them. 

Also, I’m sorry ladies but if you are over the age of 30, which all of these characters are, you are not a “girl” anymore dammit, you are a grown arse woman, and you need to start behaving like one instead of wafting about in an alcoholic, pill fuelled, fugue state, sleeping with blatantly horrible men whose faces you can't remember and wondering why everyone else in the novel is apparently trying to kill you. 

It is because you are annoying, borderline psychotic, drink ALL of the wine at parties...and your character arch is severely underdeveloped. 

Also you probably slept with your best friend's husband only you can't remember doing that, because you know, drunk.

Mystery solved.

Now would you all kindly go away so that my Kindle can start recommending some decent novels.

PS: In the interests of fairness, I loved Gone Girl and I did not see the twist coming, likewise The Girl on The Train (to a lesser extent).  Obviously there are some excellent examples of this genre – so far I have found two. If you have more please feel to share in the comments.

For my next post - a review of a novel that manages to combine the "girl" genre with "50 Shades" to plumb new levels of misogynistic "ick".