"If you were an animal, what kind of an animal would you be"
I was recently asked this question in an interview situation and found myself somewhat nonplused.
However it turns out that this is, in fact, is a surprisingly common question and that there are people who put a lot of effort into their response.
Opinions are mixed in terms of it's appropriateness in an interview situation. My favorite comment coming from a Recruitment website which states:
"If your hiring manager asks you this question, you have my permission to get up and leave. Just say "Oh, look at the time! So sorry, I forgot that I have an appointment in eight minutes. Lovely to meet you, though!") Hit the road, and go get yourself a nice gelato".
Which I personally consider to be excellent advice.
However, should you find yourself in a similar situation and you actually want the job, here is a
quick (well, quick-ish) guide to the wonderful world of reverse anthropomorphism.
The following animals are considered good choices:
*Horse: Intelligent, fast and strong both independently and as part of a team.
Drawbacks:- will eat all of the apples from the weekly office fruit delivery which could potentially lead to an outbreak of "office worker fruit-rage.
Can be perceived as negative by co-workers: "I keep asking Ed to support my initiative but he just keeps saying "neigh".
Dog: Loyal and intelligent
Drawbacks: Would bark at visitors to the office and prone to randomly licking people and humping everything in sight - possible sexual harassment complaint risk. Also inclined to take words like "sit" and "stay" a little too literally.
Ant: Technically an insect I would have thought but still counts as an animal apparently - because - basically the whole thing is pretty daft. Anyway they are hard workers and team players and they always know where the sugar is hidden.
Drawbacks: Likely to get trodden on so you might need to hire a few of them in order to facilitate proper succession planning. Also stomachs full of acid so potentially prone to ulcers leading to excessive consumption of sick days.
Bee: Like Ants they are hard workers and team players - also good because if they lose their temper and sting a colleague they will instantly die thus sparring their employers from any nasty law suits.
Drawbacks: - if they lose their temper and sting a colleague they will instantly die thus kicking off another mind numbing round of "if you were an animal" in order to find their replacement.
Dolphin: Highly intelligent and intuitive. Let's face it if you really were a Dolphin you would be having a Gelato instead of answering the question.
Drawbacks: Easily distracted by boats, balls and tourists wanting to swim with them but most offices won't have any of those things so it's probably a pretty good answer - just don't deliver it in a series of clicks - no one likes a smart arse .
Chimp: Quick learners, highly emotionally intelligent and group oriented
Drawbacks: Likely to eat most of the office fruit allowance, with the exception of the apples - *see "Horse"- and throw the bits that they don't like at their colleagues but hey, people can learn to duck right? And to cut up any watermelons before putting them in the kitchen.
Elephants: On account of the whole super intelligent/great memory thing and the fact that they are group-oriented so therefore handy in whiteboard brainstorming sessions. Stick one in a room with the Chimps and you will reach Post-It Nirvana in no time flat - so long as the chimps are in charge of Post-It application.
Also I imagine that they would be very good at holding grudges,
"yes Bruce, I know it has been
five years since you "accidentally" ate my yogurt but I haven't forgotten...........I never forget"
There is also potential for them to feel picked on if anyone uses the phrase "the elephant in the room".
On the "Do Not Go There" List we have:
Lions and Tigers and Cheetahs (oh my) surprisingly these are not positive animals to reference as they can be indicative of aggressive tendencies and a predisposition towards treating outdoor team building events as "all you can eat buffet" opportunities.
Saying Lion could potentially result in some nervous shuffling among your interviewers followed by "well it's been lovely meeting with you but the last Lion we hired ate Bob from Accounts along with your predecessor at the annual company Picnic and Three-Legged Race Day. Perhaps if they hadn't been tied together he wouldn't have been able to bring them both down so quickly.
Although your resume is excellent, would you be willing to consider a wearing a muzzle".
Domestic Cats are also a bad choice because, well, they're cats. Independent, stroppy and given to disappearing for days at a time without putting their Out Of Office on.
In fairness the latter is probably more down to the whole "lack of opposable thumbs" thing than a desire to be deliberately evasive but it is nonetheless problematic. "When will Felix be back, I need him for this brainstorming session with the Whiskers people?"
"No idea, a few hours, a week, when he gets hungry......."
Chickens - Not very bright and given to running in circles and scwarking during fire drills.
Sloths - I really don't have to explain that one do I?
 |
| Trevor often struggled to stay focused during team meetings |
I didn't think so.
Foxes - Extremely bright but eminently untrustworthy - just ask the Chickens.
Spiders - set a trap, wait for prey to get stuck and then eat it alive.
There is one situation where saying Spider might help you though.
And that is if you were being considered for a Sales or HR position.
During the course of my research I discovered that "if you were a piece of fruit or a pizza topping", "how do you fit a giraffe in a fridge" and "would you rather fight a horse-sized duck, or 100 duck-sized horses?" are also possible questions.
So if you have an interview coming up you may wish to practice your Giraffe folding beforehand.
