Can't Touch This

I think that one of the most difficult things about this Pandemic is going to be the physical distance that it imposes between between us all.

Since losing M I have become a much more tactile person. I was always a little more of the not "stand-offish" exactly, but "I only saw you yesterday, why are you hugging me?" type. Don't get me wrong, with my oldest/closest friends I have always greeted them like clamp the mighty limpet. But casual social cuddling wasn't really my jam. But at a time when so many people were saying to me "I don't know what to say" the comfort of being embraced, the reassuring hand on my shoulder, someone just sitting quietly holding my hand. Those were the things that made it all more bearable somehow.
And since then I have joined the ranks of the huggers. If someone is upset, I'm now usually the first one to leap over the table and crush them to my, less than ample, bosom.

I feel so deeply for anyone who is grieving right now, because a loving elbow bump is not really the same.

As humans we need touch. We thrive on it; hugs are one of the nicest things about humanity. We hug one another to comfort or to celebrate, to express empathy and to share joy. The best feeling in the world is when another human wraps their arms around you and crushes you to their chest.


Right now, and for the foreseeable future, we are in a hug-less zone. A contact free freefall where the one thing that we all crave to make this situation a little less surreal, a good solid hug from another human being, is not really an option.
We say so much to one another through the medium of touch. When we don't have the words, or the words just feel inadequate, a hug sends the strongest message that we are not alone

So instead the very things that have been keeping us socially distanced from another are going to become the things that keep us socially connected (and sane).
In the absence of meetups and Friday drinks we are forming chat groups. Instead of texting we are calling one another again. I've had more phone conversations with friends and family in the past two weeks than I have had in some time. We are all so busy that dashing off a text has become the norm. We have all seen the memes and I have often been guilty of replying to an attempted call with a text.
"Sorry I can't talk right now", which most people know is social code for "I'm watching the last episode of Fleabag".


I am picking up more often now, after all, that is why God created the "pause" button right?

And for elderly people, who depend upon their social activities to get them out of the house and into society, this is potentially devastating. I am deeply concerned that people are literally going to die from loneliness.

Because while our generation are used to using technology to keep in touch on a regular basis a lot of older people are not.

So, if you haven't already, teach your older family members to use WhatsApp or Messenger and form a family chat group.
And if they are already down with technology advise them to stay away from every click-bait "article" on Social Media.
Encourage them to check in with you before they start to panic about something that some clueless dickhead has re-posted on FB from "Stuff". Which is, incidentally the most infuriating source of "fake news" and irresponsible "journalism" in NZ.

And for everyone talking about cancelled gigs, postponed holidays and idiots hogging all the supermarket supplies. I feel you, I get it, The National just moved their April gig to December and I am pretty darn sad about it.

But, I am not working in one of those supermarkets, I am not a front line health care worker, I am not a victim of domestic abuse looking at the terrifying possibility that I may end up trapped in quarantine with my abuser.

I like John Oliver's take on it (anyone else see the most recent "Last Week Tonight" and think "yep, sh!t is getting real?).
We all set our phone timers for 30 seconds and give ourselves that long to complain about the way that this Virus has negatively impacted our lives. Be it a postponed trip, a cancelled party, empty pubs on St Patrick's Day, the NBA cancelling the season, anything you like, go to town...for 30 seconds.

And then start thinking about what we can do to preserve our humanity while we wait for all of this to complete the cycle.

Because it will, maybe not sooner and almost certainly later, this too shall pass. And what we will be left with are the consequences of however we treat one another right now, as individuals.

And in the meantime, loving elbow bumps all round. People are amazing (and sometimes awful) but mostly amazing.
There will be hugging again!! And when there is, I am planning to be at the front of the queue.